Do you see what I see...

It hits me like a brick sometimes, that perfect smile lighting up her delicate eyes. I could drink in the light of her smile for hours. The sunlight playing across her face just makes the moment seem all that more surreal, like something that happens to other people. The day is warming up and her presence makes the room fill with electricity. She has limitless sunshine and a smile that could warm the coldest heart, drowning in a sea of pain and confusion. I look and hope and wonder, if I can build myself to be the pillar she needs me to be. The longer and harder I try the bigger and more complete her belief in me. Fear and self loathing sometimes wash across my soul, my hands and fingers and feet and eyes, heart, mouth, soul begins to ache with the size of it all, yet her smile reassures me I am not only willing but very able. Sometimes all I can think of is escape to spare myself another defeat in the face of the greatest conquest ever known. My shield is broken and my armour torn. My spear lies broken and shattered, covered with my own self righteousness. And all I can think of is what she might think of me in defeat. My one last appeal made, my last card dealt, myself laid bare. I love you, you are my strength, my shield, my armor, for you I will fight on.